Monday, January 12, 2009

Worth the Wait

It wasn't out in time to make The Year in Review Review, but better late than never...

THE BEAST 50 MOST LOATHSOME PEOPLE IN AMERICA, 2008.

A sampling:
20. Joe the Plumber

Charges:
The Che Guevara of bald, pissed off white men. In a lot of ways, Samuel Wurzelbacher really does represent the average American—basing economic opinions on unrealistic expectations of personal future success, blaming his failure to meet those expectations on minorities and old people, complaining about deadbeats getting his taxes when he isn’t actually paying his taxes, and advertising his own rudimentary historical and mathematical ignorance by warning of creeping socialism in a country whose highest income tax rate has dropped by half in thirty years. “Joe” indeed symbolizes the true American dream—to become undeservedly rich and famous through a dizzyingly improbable stroke of luck. As American folk heroes go, Wurzelbacher ranks somewhere between Hulk Hogan and Bernie Goetz.

Exhibit A: "Social Security is a joke...social security I've never believed in, don't like it. I hate that it's forced on me."

Sentence:
After blowing his fifteen minutes and all his money on coke and Thai hookers, an infirm, elderly Joe finds that social security actually is a joke, and is finally forced to snake toilets for a living.

Sheer awesomeness. Mr Furious wants to be the Buffalo Beast when he grows up.

10 comments:

Chris Howard said...

Funny stuff, and accurate in large part. I thought Obama at 50 was a cheap shot, though. He could have pulled that right from some winger site.

steves said...

I thought the list was a slight step above a mindless, shrill, rant. Most of the forums I frequent will occasionally have a thread devoted to "things that piss you off" and this "article" reminded me of one of those.

Mr. F, your stuff is many times better and more interesting than the Beast. He should want to e you when he gros up.

steves said...

Oops, I meant grows.

Mr Furious said...

Hey, thanks, steves. I can certainly do "angry rant" but I don't weave the laughs in like that guy. While some of the "charges" certainly were shrill, and that thing is best read in a couple sittings rather than all at once...many of the "sentences" had me laughing my ass off.

Mike said...

I thought it was pretty solid, and definitely well-written.

Toast said...

That was a short read. Simply putting Obama on a list of "loathesome people" - to say nothing of the objectively incorrect, thoughtless, and sleazy criticisms they level at him - left me confident that I could skip the remaining 49 entries. Disgusting.

Rickey Henderson said...

Heh, Rickey actually discusses Joe the Plumber today. How is it that this bum's 15 minutes haven't expired?

Mr Furious said...

Toast,

Agreed that the Obama inclusion is off-base—but of course I'm a fan.

It strikes me as an obvious attempt to find something to swat the "most popular guy alive" with, rather than actual loathsomeness. Especially when viewed in the context of everyone else on the list, who nearly without exception are loathesome, or worthy of some scorn or ridicule.

However, an objective skeptic would find little to quarrel with in that summary of Obama. Most criticisms are—while simplified or contextless—on balance, true. Not necessarily accurate, but not entirely false.

If you get over it, you'll probably find the rest of them uproarious.

Mr Furious said...

Fucking stupid blogger. I have to "trick" it by logging in a comment, because it won't let me log-in to my dashboard...

Toast said...

Most criticisms are—while simplified or contextless—on balance, true.

Really? How about the "non-existent policies" jab? You know perfectly well that couldn't be further from the truth. More importantly, though:

It strikes me as an obvious attempt to find something to swat the "most popular guy alive" with, rather than actual loathsomeness. Especially when viewed in the context of everyone else on the list, who nearly without exception are loathesome, or worthy of some scorn or ridicule.

Exactly right. The list has, historically, been devoted to people who *are* loathesome. Including Obama, be it for fake balance ora desire to be contrarian, was a scumbag move. And I don't care how funny the other entries are. They can kiss my ass.