Approved for Presidential Consumption

[via Smitty] I ran the old blog through a "Reading Comprehension Analyzer." Hell, Smitty's beer and home-brewing blog achieved "Post-Grad College Level" so I expected at least "Undergraduate"...

Not so much...



Goes nicely with the NC-17 rating, I suppose.

Good Morning!

What's Wrong With This Picture?



I mean besides the fact that we have a bunch of crap spilling out of the garage and that Joe needs to clean his gutters...Look closely...

Anything missing? Like my fucking CAR!!! Yes, folks this is the view that greeted me this morning at dog-walking time. "Hmm, did I park around the corner? Did somebody bor—" Looks down and sees this (hint: it's not mine)...



"Somebody stole my fucking car."

Right from the fucking driveway. And look closely, the door to Mrs. F's car is slightly ajar, they were in there as well...which is almost more disturbing to me than my car being gone. Jesus. Fucking. Christ. Didn't happen when we gone on our trip, it happened with all of us home, asleep in the house. When we were gone the car was locked and the keys were in the house.

Of course, the degree of theft difficulty was lessened by the fact that last night, the car was NOT locked, and the keys...were...on...the...seat...

It's true, this is not uncommon in the Furious household. We often leave the keys in the cars. If we are parked alongside the house (ie: not in back by the garage, closer to the street) we are pretty adamant about locking and/or bringing the keys inside. But back there? It's like the "green zone"... At least they didn't get a house key too. Because there isn't one on my key chain. Because we don't always lock the house...

Fuck that. It's going to be Fort Fucking Knox around here now. Those stupid creaky garage doors that hardly open and close? Adios. Getting replaced or re-sprung, with openers installed. New locks all around on the house too. Post haste.

As for me? I'm not even sure what to think about all of this. You'd think I'd be all Derek Vineyard about it, but I'm not. I haven't had the car long enough to be too attached too it, and my anger is mitigated somewhat by the feeling of sheepish stupidity for having left the keys in the car. But somebody DID sneak up my driveway and violate our space. Taking away one of our most valuable and personal possessions. So, no, I am not happy this morning. To say the least.

And it had twenty fucking gallons of gas in it too. Fuck.

UPDATE: Car recovered (see comments).