Dick of the Week: Massachusetts

Yeah. Seems obvious, right? Here's the thing: I hated Coakley as a candidate and the way the party handled this whole affair. I can easily rationalize the loss away as a wake-up call, a moment of clarity on a path to passing the reform (see previous post), or a punishment for Coakley and her inept, arrogent campaign.

There's the obvious parallel to the voters to the south stupidly reelecting Joe Lieberman, but this was worse. the stakes so much clearer, but that stuff is beating a dead horse. The thing that's not getting enough play for my taste is the fact that Massachusetts HAS FUCKING UNIVERSAL(ish) HEALTH CARE!

The media likes to pretend that this election was a rejection of health care reform—which is wasn't—because clearly polls and past voting and the fact that they fucking gave it to themselves as a state indicate other wise.

But what is burning me up the most, and that I will have the hardest time getting past is the big, giant "Fuck you, I got mine!" these Massholes gave the rest of the country.

No one is talking about that. No one.

Class Dismissed

"...why are fans of New England teams so reviled?" a commenter at twoglasses asks. I posted a long-ass answer that I'll reprise here, but really boils down to three words...

Because they're dicks.

Seriously? It IS because they're dicks, but it's a more complex story than that. Fans in New England no longer no their place, and it's due to success. they've become the equivalent of the "ugly American."

I grew up in Connecticut—among the Sox-Yanks border wars. My dad was a Red Sox fan (but, ironically a Giants fan), and I was actually taught how to score a baseball game by my grandmother of all people. My grandfather was actually featured on local television after the 2004 World Series as one of those fans who never thought they'd live to see the Sox win again.

Because of that background, I think I'm a bit more old-school than typical fans these days. A little less emotional, a little more reserved. Particularly in trying to be somewhat gracious in victory—at least NOT being a complete prick.

I always thought Fenway Park contained the superior fan. I went to school in NY and lived for years in NYC and that conclusion was borne out of years of experience. Yankee fans in Boston were treated to more or less good-natured ribbing, while Sox fans in NY should fear for their safety (or at least their laundry).

As the Yankees latest dynasty took shape, that dynamic changed. Sox fans became bitter. Ugly. While in NY, perhaps watered down by bandwagon-jumpers, Yankee fans seemed to be able to relax, rise above. I suppose that's easy(ier) when you win every freaking year. But I could sit in box seats, upper deck, wherever in the Bronx wearing a visitors cap or jersey and it seemed to be no big deal.

To be clear, I fucking HATED Yankee fans when I lived in NY, and much of that city's phony embrace of the team drove me nuts.

Meanwhile, in Boston, it was different. After losing the ALCS in 2003 in the Aaron Boone game, I was positively despondent. I didn't know if I could ever watch again. I caused me to reassess. How important is this shit? But to other fans, it was like losing to Bush in 2004. Anger and hate built. Boiled over. Winning the World Series in 2004 was a fantastic, cathartic moment in my life. Much of the country seemed along for the ride, it was great. But too many fans in New England (Boston particularly) reacted with a classless, jeering "in your face!" attitude.

Celebrate? Sure. Talk shit to and about the team that has handed you your ass repeatedly throughout history ? Not so much. Not for eternity anyway. But that's what they did. And I find it ugly. So, apparently, does everybody else.

As for the Pats, this was just happening on an exponential level, because the success was that much greater. Unlike my hereditary Sox fandom, my affection for the Pats was entirely self-installed. And for years it sucked. That gave me perspective. I was there on the way up—freezing my ass off on a fucking metal bench as plucky Bledsoe-led teams vanquished dragons... Each year going a little bit further... For Brady's emergence...

But as Bill Simmons observed, the "fun kid" Tom Brady has been replaced by a Belichicked android—a perfect fucking emotionless Terminator on the field, who removed suspense from games, and off-field, a guy who gets chicks pregnant and leaves for the next supermodel—in short, a douche. The kind of guy who deserves disdain, and if he were not a good-looking white guy, would probably get some. I find it hard to get behind that guy. He's not a lunchpail quarterback like Steve Grogan, or even Bledsoe (by comparison) or a likable character like Big Ben or Romo—he's a pretty boy fashion model. He's probably even a Republican.

Doing the salary cap league with the guys at twoglasses this season was another eye-opener. The Pats are in many ways like fantasy team to me now. No longer human. And as this "perfect" season wore on I tired of the hype.

But the assholes in Boston reveled in it.

So it is that the Patriots have become the team that New England fans always liked to hate—the dynasty, the favorite. And the New England fans were graceless in that role because they are not accustomed to it. And when something like yesterday happens, the schadenfreude is like a damn tsunami for the rest of the country.

Super Choke

I'd be remiss if I didn't put something up about the Super Bowl...and I don't want to be accused of ignoring it because my team lost. Badly.

First, let's get this out of the way—undefeated regular seasons mean jack if you can't close it out. The Pats might as well have gone 12-4 or whatever if this was going to happen. The only thing "for the ages" about this season now is the fact that they got beat by the fifth seed Wild Card team.

Second. I didn't care about this game. Don't believe me? I took the opportunity to go to a deserted Lowe's and Home Depot early in the game, and never thought twice about it. I knew I'd catch some of the game here and there, and I TiVo'd the fourth quarter and watched it later since it was close, but I'm just not invested in this team anymore.

I got as sick as everybody else of all the hype this year. Belichick and the New England fans have become insufferable, and I consider this loss a nice karmic payback for "Spygate."

I'm just sorry Junior Seau worked his ass off to come back and lose, I hate that New York fans (not Giant fans specifically, but NY fans of anything, period) get to celebrate, and most of all, I wanted those bitter old Dolphins to STFU. But that's about it.

Eli strapped on a set that I didn't think existed in the Manning family combined, and he marched his team down the field in, well, Brady-like fashion and put this one away. David Tyree made a ridiculous catch after Manning somehow escaped a freaking 10-car pileup to heave it down the field, and Plaxico Buress got the last word on Tom Brady in the trash exchange.

Congratulations to the only Giant fan I can think of off the top of my head, Fridge, and to the morons back in New England who have gotten to the point of making Yankee fans look restrained, you had it coming.