Wednesday, February 15, 2006

The Hole Truth and Nothing Like the Truth

We know Vice President Cheney shot a companion while hunting quail. Based on what has come out so far, we have likely not heard the true version of events that day. In the unlikely event that we have been told the truth, the White House has so badly bungled it, they have forever tainted the story with doubt and skepticism.

Here are the possible scenarios as I see 'em:

1. It happened just like they claim. Covey is flushed. Cheney, following a bird, wheels around, fires, hits Whittington at a distance of thirty yards. Clear violation of many rules of common sense and hunter's protocol. A terrible mistake by Cheney. Story is dependent on assigning Whittington some blame, and hoping injuries are minor and Whittington recovers quickly and completely. Unfortunately for Cheney, this story is starting to seem implausible...

2. Not exactly like they claim. Covey is flushed. Cheney, following a bird, wheels around blindly, fires, hits Whittington at a distance much closer than 30 yards. Meaning Whittington was right next to or behind Cheney. Close enough that Cheney knew or should have known, Whittington was nearby when he raised his gun, but lost track while following his target. Whittington has to be completely absolved—even by hard-core Cheney-apologists. A clear fuck-up by Cheney. Since that is like Fonzie saying he's "sorry", they start to concoct an "enhanced" version of events to take heat off Cheney.

3. A Dumb Cover-Up. Cheney shot Whittington while they were walking the line, by doing something retarded like stumbling with his finger on the trigger or dropping his gun. This, too, was an untenable story to release for a macho-man like the Veep, since there was no other patsy to have holding the gun, they contrived a "more manly" mistake. Once again, this was dependent on Whittington's injuries remaining minor. This will be the classic case of "it's not the crime, it's the cover-up" if it comes undone.

4. Necessary Cover-Up. It happened like one of the above choices, with the added wrinkle that Cheney was impaired. This requires a cover-up, and starts to explain the delay in releasing the story and particularly explains why Cheney was not interviewed by police until the next day.

In scenarios 1-3 Cheney would have best served with being honest and coming forward immediately. Of course, that is completely unnatural for this crew, thus the corner they've painted themselves into. In scenario 4, with Cheney criminally responsible, I almost cannot blame them for a cover-up... which is why anything falling short of that, it was stupid to lie/delay.


Things I feel comfortable labeling "facts":

1. Ranch owner Katharine Armstrong isn't a witness, she's a spokesperson. She wasn't close enough to know what the fuck happened. Not if she was sitting in the car, and thought the medical team was running to assist a Cheney "heart problem." Her account is horseshit. Why they trotted her out to release the info is beyond me, and might be the biggest mistake they made (aside from shooting a guy in the face). Link added: Excellent breakdown of the flaws in this part of the story.

2. Cheney is completely at fault for the shooting. Regardless of whether Whittington screwed up by leaving the line. Their story is that Whittington snuck up behing the VP without announcing himself. Irrelevant. For him to get shot means Cheney wheeled around and fired behind himself. What the fuck was he thinking? He's lucky he didn't nail a SS agent as well.

3. Cheney sat down to a dinner at the ranch while a guy he was hunting with hours earlier was lying in the ICU with his shotgun load in his face (and, now, apparently his heart). This is worse than Brownie looking for a happy hour after Katrina. Come on, Cheney, you fucking shot the guy in the face, I don't care if everyone thought he'd be fine, drag your sorry ass to the hospital and act concerned. Pace around outside his room. Have a creme soda, do some fucking thing.


Feel free to add your own theories in the comments.

NOTE: It's late, and I'm tired. I hope this makes some sense.
UPDATE: Title changed, typos fixed, minor additions to text for clarity.


Smitty said...

I'm going out on a limb here, but I think Whittington is already dead. I think the veep killed him. A shotgun, even a 20-gauge bird gun, is deadly at short range.

We see no pictures, we hear no interviews. We're going on the "word" of the veep and "hospital officials" that he's stable. Then...a heart attack. Then...moved to ICU for a week's-worth of "observation."

The dude is in a morgue. The veep killed him. It took them an ebtire day to cover it up. I have convinced myself in my own head that this is true.

Mr Furious said...

Funny. On the way into work this morning, I saw some wierd equipment on the back of a truck that made me think of the lunar lander.

By the time I sat down at my desk, I had myself once again convinced we never really landed on the moon.

I've gone back and forth on this one over the years, and I like to think of myself as "not a paranoid conspiracy theorist," but sometimes it's the best explanation—sometimes it's just more exciting.

Did we actually land on the moon? Who the hell knows... I'm willing to believe it, but I can also believe in the incentive to defraud the American people (and the rest of the world) on this event. I'm not sure what's more unlikely—this or the massive orchestration and secrecy required to fake it.

As far as the Cheney shooting, the way they are handling this sure ain't helping their cause...

Anonymous said...

I realize that it is not at all the point of your post--but I sure liked the comment re: The Fonz saying "Sorry." Just a funny memory and I thought it was clever and surprising that this came to you while you were writing.

More to the topic--I was home yesterday and watched Scott McLellan in a press conference trying desperately to dodge questions about the Cheney Shooting. Playing the "We've already discussed this and we are more concerned with pressing issues for The American People" card. I did not pay attention to the time of day, but I am quite sure that "They" knew about the guy's heart attack by then but he failed to mention that at all.

Funny idea that Smitty has...I have thought about the possibility that he is dead too. To be honest--at first I didn't care to wonder much about this--the circumstances, etc. But the idea that Cheney may have been impaired is crazy--but it makes sense! Why wasn't he questioned by police for 13 hours?! Yikes.

Yo' Sista'