The Associated Press
Judge Orders Paris Hilton Back to Jail
Jun 8, 6:07 PM EST
LOS ANGELES -- Paris Hilton was sent screaming and crying back to jail Friday after a judge ruled that she must serve out her sentence behind bars rather than in the comfort of her Hollywood Hills home...
[...] Superior Court Judge Michael T. Sauer was calm but apparently irked by Sheriff Lee Baca's decision to release Hilton three days into her sentence due to an unspecified "medical condition."
"I at no time condoned the actions of the sheriff and at no time told him I approved the actions," Sauer said. "At no time did I approve the defendant being released from custody to her home."
Some witnesses say they saw a rainbow above the courtroom. And others say they saw a giant man in the clouds with a white beard nodding his head approvingly. And me? Well I saw Judge Michael Sauer grow to be twelve feet tall, with muscles the size of tree trunks. And when he smiled, little cartoon hearts appeared above my head and there was a strange tingling sensation in my pants.
NOTE: I officially nominate Judge Michael Sauer for President of the Entire Universe.
Don't fuck with that judge! Good. It was an outrage that she was released in the first place. And he reinstated the 45 days instead of the reduced-to-23 days sentence. She still could get time off for good behavior, but she at least has to endure some punishment like the commonfolk.
And with that, I can go right back to pretending that Paris Hilton doesn't even exist.