Miscellany

THE ILLUSION OF INEVITIBILITY
When somebody tells you Hillary has the nomination all sewn up, tell them to shut the hell up. And then direct them to this:

CBS News poll from Dec. 17, 2003, polling nationally:
Dean 23%
Clark 10%
Lieberman 10%
Gephardt 6%
Sharpton 5%
Kerry 4%
Edwards 2%
Moseley-Braun 1%

That said, from what I saw of last night's debate, Hillary (with CNN's help) mopped the floor with her rivals.


MLB (NELSON) AWARDS
Since this is the week MLB announces the player awards such as Rookie of the Year, MVP, etc, I thought I'd announce my Baseball Nelson Awards. The first "Ha Ha!" goes to the recently-indicted Barry Bonds. Good luck adding to your HR record if you now have to hit the ball over razor wire... And the "Agent of the Year Award" goes to Scott Boras who cost his be-lipsticked douchebag client thirty million dollars and himself a commission. Actually, maybe ARod came out ahead on that deal...


WANTED: CELLMATE
Remember the Florida State Rep. that was arrested for soliciting a male cop for sex in a park bathroom? You know, back when that sort of thing was all the rage among GOP officeholders (ie: summertime)...and he came up with the best/worst excuse ever*—claiming that since the cop was a "stocky, black guy" he became so frightened he thought he better offer the guy $20 and a blowjob? Well, the still-in-office Rep. Allen had his day in court and was convicted. How "frightened"/aroused would Allen be if they put Barry Bonds in his cell with him? [h/t: The Legal Satyricon]

UPDATE—Bonus humiliation for Allen: "Because of the nature of the crime, prosecutors said, Allen would have to undergo testing for sexually transmitted diseases. The results, they said, would be made public." That seems a bit excessive. Hilarious, but excessive.

*Do yourself a favor and click that link.


OUCH.
Canada doesn't fuck around with their Public Service annnouncements. Check out these workplace safety PSAs. [Warning: Some are extremely graphic.] Restaurant and Construction, Retail, Warehouse.

Nelson Award: "I Have a Wide Stance!"

The public bathroom-related sexual exploits of the GOP (Gay Old Perverts?) Party continue...

[TPM link] Sen. Larry Craig (R-Idaho) was arrested in June at a Minnesota airport by a plainclothes police officer investigating lewd conduct complaints in a men’s public restroom, according to an arrest report obtained by Roll Call Monday afternoon.

[...]“At 1216 hours, Craig tapped his right foot. I recognized this as a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct. Craig tapped his toes several times and moves his foot closer to my foot. I moved my foot up and down slowly...The presence of others did not seem to deter Craig as he moved his right foot so that it touched the side of my left foot which was within my stall area,” the report states.

Craig then proceeded to swipe his hand under the stall divider several times, and Karsnia noted in his report that “I could ... see Craig had a gold ring on his ring finger as his hand was on my side of the stall divider.”

Karsnia then held his police identification down by the floor so that Craig could see it.

“With my left hand near the floor, I pointed towards the exit. Craig responded, ‘No!’ I again pointed towards the exit. Craig exited the stall with his roller bags without flushing the toilet.* ... Craig said he would not go. I told Craig that he was under arrest, he had to go, and that I didn’t want to make a scene. Craig then left the restroom.”

In a recorded interview after his arrest, Craig “either disagreed with me or ‘didn’t recall’ the events as they happened,” the report states.

Craig stated “that he has a wide stance when going to the bathroom and that his foot may have touched mine,” the report states. Craig also told the arresting officer that he reached down with his right hand to pick up a piece of paper that was on the floor.

Fortunately for Craig, this story comes out during a week when Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are on vacation, so I won't have any video links like I did for the last Chester the GOP Public Restroom Molester**

To Craig's credit the bowlegged defense is better than claiming the cop was wearing "what looked like a black guy's shoes" and opting for the racist "afraid for my life" defense like the previous perv. Though, like Rep. Allen, he tried to pull rank/bribe/intimidate the arresting officer:

Allen: When Allen was loaded into the patrol car, the statement said, he asked if "it would help" that he was a state legislator.

"No," the officer said.

"Help?" Helps make it funny as hell... Craig tried likewise:

Roll Call quoted the Aug. 8 police report as saying that Craig had handed the arresting officer a business card that identified him as a member of the Senate.

"What do you think about that?" Craig is alleged to have said, according to the report.

Oh, and for the record both of these jackass hypocrits were stalwart defenders of marriage and voted 100% against gays.

*Should we assume he also left without WASHING?

** I had this story set aside as a draft, and after today's story I went back, finished it off and posted it.