Monday, August 20, 2007

Nelson Award: Worse Than "Wash Me!"


Just because I don't (quite) condone this, doesn't mean this punk's not worthy of a "Ha Ha!"...

Hummer Owner Gets Angry Message
Vandals Batter D.C. Man's SUV,
Slash Its Tires and Scratch In an Eco Note

By Allison Klein | Washington Post | July 18, 2007; Page B01

On a narrow, leafy street in Northwest Washington, where Prius hybrid cars and Volvos are the norm, one man bought a flashy gray Hummer that was too massive to fit in his garage.

So he parked the seven-foot-tall behemoth on the street in front of his house and smiled politely when his eco-friendly neighbors looked on in disapproval at his "dream car."

It lasted five days on the street before two masked men took a bat to every window, a knife to each 38-inch tire and scratched into the body: "FOR THE ENVIRON."

"The thought of somebody vandalizing it never crossed my mind," said Gareth Groves, 32, who lives with his mother in a three-story home in the 4300 block of Brandywine Street NW in American University Park. "I've kind of been in shock."

Now, as Groves ponders what to do with the remains of his $38,000 SUV, he has been the target of a number of people who have driven by the crime scene in his upscale neighborhood and glared at him in smug satisfaction.

"I'd say one in five people who come by have that 'you-got-what-you-deserve' look," said his friend Andy Sexton, 27, who is visiting from Arkansas and has been helping Groves deal with fallout from the crime.

It's a pretty big leap from muttering "Jackass" when a Hummer drives by (my reflex), or even partaking in the sport of FUH2, to taking a bat to somebody's wheels. That does suck. But sympathy runs low when your a 32-year-old gangsta-wannabe loser who lives with his mom, drops $40K on jacked Hummer that won't fit in the garage, and in the course of a photo shoot sports $300 worth of footbal jerseys... Here's the video interview where he switches to his Aaron Brooks persona.

"Groves ponders what to do with the remains of his $38,000 SUV..." What to do with "the remains?" Busted windows and slashed tires and he's declaring a total loss and ready to dispose of this thing? I guess the fact that he needed help "dealing with the fallout" means he wasn't man enough for a Hummer to start with.

RELATED: Not sure what ever happened to this legislation to close the obscene SUV tax loophole.

20 comments:

Toast said...

Personally, I don't care what a dork the guy is, that shit is wrong. I hope they catch the bastards that did it and throw 'em in the slammer for a few months, then fine the living shit out of them. It doesn't matter who you are or what your beliefs are, you've got a right to not have people fuck with your shit.

Also important is that last part of the story. Anything that feeds the "Eco-friendly Prius owners are smug" meme does a disservice to the environmental movement and its goals.

Smitty said...

Toast has a point. If you're a brainless dickhead who thinks the H-2 is the status symbol you need to finally leave your mom's basement (or have it not matter), you have a right to not have people bust your shit up.

But...I do have to agree with Mr. F on the schadenfraud (sp?) of this incident, seeing as how the H-2 is the biggest asshole car on the market.

Mrs. Furious said...

"cry me a river. of blood. for oil." best label ever!

Mr Furious said...

Let's be clear—messing with somebody's car is fucked up and I do NOT think this guy deserved it, or "had it coming." Even for driving the most obnoxious vehicle possible, while being a Raiders fan, talking on a cell phone and listening to Limp Bizkit.

The masked assholes who did this deserve medieval-harsh punishment. Vandalizing somebody's car (or other personal stuff) is not cool. And being an environmentalist is not a license to break the law. This wasn't a protest, this was a crime.

You got a personal problem with this guy? Make your case—and it better be good—something along the lines of this guy bought this Hummer with the proceeds of stealing everybody else's car stereos, and all legal avenues have been exhausted... or maybe he's the local drug dealer and you're trying to run him off the block and the cops won't do anything...

Being a complete asshole while cloaking yourself under some "noble" environmental cause is bullshit.

And for the record, I don't go for any of that PETA fake blood-throwing shit either.

S.W. Anderson said...

A couple of days ago, I saw a nice-looking middle-aged couple pull into a side parking lot at the mall, positioning their Greyhound bus-size vacation home on wheels across six parking spaces. A fine-looking cat took a seat in the front window, next to a pot of geraniums, and watched as the couple set off on foot for the stores.

This huge vehicle looked new. I marveled at its size and tried to guess what its interior configuration and accommodations are like. I also wondered what it must've cost and its license and insurance costs. Was it leased? The payments must be huge.

I felt neither scorn nor envy for the couple. Maybe they are rich or maybe they won the big rig in a contest. Or, they might've saved for several years to lease one of these things and make a cross-country tour.

Whatever the specifics, I'm sure that bus-sized vehicle dwarfs the seeming extravagance of Groves' Hummer, by several orders of magnitude.

Does that nice-looking couple deserve to have even a graffiti nastygram spray-painted on their vehicle? Does their fine-looking cat deserve to be terrorized by bat-wielding thugs and broken glass flying everywhere?

Absolutely not. I also don't think Groves deserved what he got from those thugs. I hope they get caught and are forced to make restitution cleaning K-Mart parking lots and restrooms with their tongues.

Making America more environmentally friendly, more sane with respect to acquiring and using energy resources, won't come about as a result of Draconian laws or vigilantism. Leadership calling on people to do what they know inside is right and necessary is what's needed. That won't get 100 percent cooperation; nothing will. But it's the right and only practical way to go about it in a free society.

Mr Furious said...

Interestingly, that RV might just get better mileage than Groves' H2.

Somehow I doubt they are using that RV to commute or as an everyday vehicle...

Mike said...

I'm with Toast here. I couldn't care less about the messing with the wheels concept, per se, but it's the guy's property. Don't fuck with it.

That said, Furious gets mighty close to the line where crime is acceptable with the "listening to Limp Bizkit" concept.

That may indeed call for speaker destruction or something like that.

Rickey Henderson said...

It's the same as PETA tossing blood on little old ladies wearing fur. Rickey may agree with the philosophy, but not the actions these people take.

Mrs. Furious said...

I thought you were Mr Furious not Mr Peer Pressure Pussy! You think that shit is funny don't deny it and don't back down you wuss!

Smitty said...

Dude. Smacked-down by Mrs. Furious. Mrs. F is fundamentally right: I laughed too.

Mr Furious said...

Mrs. F. is calling me out. Claiming I have knuckled under and backtracked, she insists I revel in this guy's misfortune, think it's hilarious, and would enjoy seeing this happen to every Hummer in town.

Sort of.

Smitty hit is best. As with much of what I post, it's all about the shadenfruede.

The detachment of the internet allows a degree of mocking and enjoyment on my part that wouldn't necessarily carry over to real life.

Did this guy deserve his car getting trashed? No. Certainly not. No more than I would deserve getting my car trashed if I got my IMPEACH plate, and parked anywhere outside of the friendly liberal confines of Ann Arbor.

Does this guy deserve my mocking him? As William Munny said, "Deserves got nuthin' to do with it." My job as Mr. Allegedly Furious is to take potshots at tough guys who drive Hummers and cry to the newspaper when the local Prius jockeys beat him up after recess.

What's the real world best case scenario here? That the guys who fucked up his truck get nailed and not only have to pay for the damage they caused, but serious punishment beyond that. I want Mr. Marshall Mathers there to realize the error of his ways and take his hefty restitution and put it towards a more sensible vehicle. Or at least volunteer to use his Hummer to drive his activist neighbors to the next WTO protest...

People who drive Hummers are dicks. I'm still waiting to meet the exception to that purely personal pre-judgement.

People who trash other people's stuff (car, house, front lawn, etc. ) are also dicks. If next week there's a story about eco-vandals getting electric shocks when their aluminum bat touches a booby-trapped Escalade, they'll be getting the Nelson "Ha Ha!"

Mr Furious said...

Yeah. I enjoyed it too. That's why I chose to post about it in the first place. No apologies.

Mrs. Furious said...

What are you a politician now?!?

Mrs. Furious said...

And blah,blah, blah... Of course no one deserves to have their car vandalized , but if its gonna happen that's way it should be! That is funny shit!

Mr Furious said...

Mrs. Furious is like one of Michael Vick's dogs and she just won't let go!

Just like the grandma on AHV who falls off the dock and whales her head into a boat, she doesn't deserve it, but I'm still laughing my ass off.

Just look at that photo in the post, with the H2 in the back and Eminem working his best Iron Eyes Cody (crying indian) pose and tell me your response isn't "boo fucking hoo."

Guy like that are on Earth for my enjoyment. Suck it bitches!

(Better, honey?)

Mrs. Furious said...

I think you meant AFV... seeing as it is your favorite show you'd think you would have gotten that right ;)

Mr Furious said...

Yeah, yeah. "America's Funniest Home Videos."

I wouldn't say it's my favorite show*, but I DO get the highest per capita enjoyment out of it. There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, funnier than one of those "30 groin shots in 30 seconds" or "Trampoline Mishap" montages.

Uncontrollable full-on crying laughter. Not ashamed to admit it.

*We all know my favorite show is "The Suite Life with Zach and Cody".

Mrs. Furious said...

LOL!
true enough

Toast said...

Just like the grandma on AHV who falls off the dock and whales her head into a boat, she doesn't deserve it, but I'm still laughing my ass off.

Yeah, but you wouldn't be laughing if someone pushed her off the dock, right?

If this guy wracked up his H2 doing something stupid -- particularly something stupid and vain and selfish -- I'd be pointing and laughing at him too. I can imagine a ton of scenarios that would fit the bill. Like if he was using his Bad Ass off-road ability to get around a traffic jam and rolled down an embankment.

But not this. Vandalism just fucking infuriates me, and I can't bring myself to find the humor in it no matter how big a dick the victim is.

Chris Howard said...

Making America more environmentally friendly, more sane with respect to acquiring and using energy resources, won't come about as a result of Draconian laws or vigilantism.

I halfway agree. Vigilantism clearly isn't the way. But I do believe that government has to lead on this issue and that a large part of that leadership will be laws and regulations on carbon producing industries and products. The market has and will continue to fail on this issue if not provided appropriate incentives and restrictions. And relying on people's better natures without carrots and sticks will get us nowhere.