Nelson Award: Douglas Holtz-Eakin

McCain Campaign health care advisor Douglas Holtz-Eakin is finding out first-hand how shitty the current health insurance system is.

If history had taken a different course, Doug Holtz-Eakin would be inside the McCain White House driving the Republican president's domestic agenda, including health-care reform. But now, one year after Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) lost the presidential election, the man who was by McCain's side as the campaign's top health-care guru remains unemployed -- and his COBRA health coverage is running out.

Irony of ironies, it gets worse. Holtz-Eakin, who is about to start shopping for insurance on the individual market, is 51. And he has one of those pesky "preexisting conditions" that insurance companies often cite in denying coverage.

[...] Holtz-Eakin said he's been paying about $1,000 a month to extend the private health insurance he received on McCain's campaign through the government's COBRA program, but that will expire in a few months. This is the first time in his life he has not had employer-provided health coverage. "I worry about where I go next in the way many Americans do," he said.

Like "many Americans," Doug? Fuck you. Most of them aren't coming off six-figure campaign gigs, and sitting around while having enough major political and financial connections to get a job whenever you get off your ass and pick up the phone.

Oh, and those "tax-credits to pay for insurance" plan that you and your candidate were pushing last year? Not sure they'd do shit to help an unemployed economist...

Judge Sentences Vick to 14 Years*

"Well, that's 23 months to you and me..."

The judge was none to happy too hear that Vick been less than candid in his testimony, and felt Vick had failed to accept responsibilty for his actions. Vick's plea called for 12-18 months. The judge said, "Fuck that. Try your comeback in 2010!" and gave him 23 months—the harshest term of all the defendants. He cannot appeal.

Vick also gets three years probation and must serve at least 85% of his sentence—19-1/2 months.

I hope the guards toss his cell with a hungry German Shepherd on a daily basis. Fucking punk.

* Dog years

UPDATE: This little escapade has cost Vick an estimated $142 million. You know what I say to that...

Miscellany

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Nelson Award: "I Have a Wide Stance!"

The public bathroom-related sexual exploits of the GOP (Gay Old Perverts?) Party continue...

[TPM link] Sen. Larry Craig (R-Idaho) was arrested in June at a Minnesota airport by a plainclothes police officer investigating lewd conduct complaints in a men’s public restroom, according to an arrest report obtained by Roll Call Monday afternoon.

[...]“At 1216 hours, Craig tapped his right foot. I recognized this as a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct. Craig tapped his toes several times and moves his foot closer to my foot. I moved my foot up and down slowly...The presence of others did not seem to deter Craig as he moved his right foot so that it touched the side of my left foot which was within my stall area,” the report states.

Craig then proceeded to swipe his hand under the stall divider several times, and Karsnia noted in his report that “I could ... see Craig had a gold ring on his ring finger as his hand was on my side of the stall divider.”

Karsnia then held his police identification down by the floor so that Craig could see it.

“With my left hand near the floor, I pointed towards the exit. Craig responded, ‘No!’ I again pointed towards the exit. Craig exited the stall with his roller bags without flushing the toilet.* ... Craig said he would not go. I told Craig that he was under arrest, he had to go, and that I didn’t want to make a scene. Craig then left the restroom.”

In a recorded interview after his arrest, Craig “either disagreed with me or ‘didn’t recall’ the events as they happened,” the report states.

Craig stated “that he has a wide stance when going to the bathroom and that his foot may have touched mine,” the report states. Craig also told the arresting officer that he reached down with his right hand to pick up a piece of paper that was on the floor.

Fortunately for Craig, this story comes out during a week when Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are on vacation, so I won't have any video links like I did for the last Chester the GOP Public Restroom Molester**

To Craig's credit the bowlegged defense is better than claiming the cop was wearing "what looked like a black guy's shoes" and opting for the racist "afraid for my life" defense like the previous perv. Though, like Rep. Allen, he tried to pull rank/bribe/intimidate the arresting officer:

Allen: When Allen was loaded into the patrol car, the statement said, he asked if "it would help" that he was a state legislator.

"No," the officer said.

"Help?" Helps make it funny as hell... Craig tried likewise:

Roll Call quoted the Aug. 8 police report as saying that Craig had handed the arresting officer a business card that identified him as a member of the Senate.

"What do you think about that?" Craig is alleged to have said, according to the report.

Oh, and for the record both of these jackass hypocrits were stalwart defenders of marriage and voted 100% against gays.

*Should we assume he also left without WASHING?

** I had this story set aside as a draft, and after today's story I went back, finished it off and posted it.

Nelson Award: Worse Than "Wash Me!"

Just because I don't (quite) condone this, doesn't mean this punk's not worthy of a "Ha Ha!"...

Hummer Owner Gets Angry Message
Vandals Batter D.C. Man's SUV,
Slash Its Tires and Scratch In an Eco Note
By Allison Klein | Washington Post | July 18, 2007; Page B01

On a narrow, leafy street in Northwest Washington, where Prius hybrid cars and Volvos are the norm, one man bought a flashy gray Hummer that was too massive to fit in his garage.

So he parked the seven-foot-tall behemoth on the street in front of his house and smiled politely when his eco-friendly neighbors looked on in disapproval at his "dream car."

It lasted five days on the street before two masked men took a bat to every window, a knife to each 38-inch tire and scratched into the body: "FOR THE ENVIRON."

"The thought of somebody vandalizing it never crossed my mind," said Gareth Groves, 32, who lives with his mother in a three-story home in the 4300 block of Brandywine Street NW in American University Park. "I've kind of been in shock."

Now, as Groves ponders what to do with the remains of his $38,000 SUV, he has been the target of a number of people who have driven by the crime scene in his upscale neighborhood and glared at him in smug satisfaction.

"I'd say one in five people who come by have that 'you-got-what-you-deserve' look," said his friend Andy Sexton, 27, who is visiting from Arkansas and has been helping Groves deal with fallout from the crime.

It's a pretty big leap from muttering "Jackass" when a Hummer drives by (my reflex), or even partaking in the sport of FUH2, to taking a bat to somebody's wheels. That does suck. But sympathy runs low when your a 32-year-old gangsta-wannabe loser who lives with his mom, drops $40K on jacked Hummer that won't fit in the garage, and in the course of a photo shoot sports $300 worth of footbal jerseys... Here's the video interview where he switches to his Aaron Brooks persona.

"Groves ponders what to do with the remains of his $38,000 SUV..." What to do with "the remains?" Busted windows and slashed tires and he's declaring a total loss and ready to dispose of this thing? I guess the fact that he needed help "dealing with the fallout" means he wasn't man enough for a Hummer to start with.

RELATED: Not sure what ever happened to this legislation to close the obscene SUV tax loophole.

Nelson Award: Fear of a Black Planet

I had what I thought was a pretty clever post written on this, but I'll just leave it to the professionals...



Greatest. Terrible. Excuse. Ever.

Apparently, down South in the GOP, you're better off playing it as a racist pussy than gay…in case you were wondering.

Ha-Ha! Circuit City's Screwed

Time for a new shadenfruede-a-licious feature here in the Land of Fury—I'll call it a "Nelson."

The results from Circuit City's clueless corporate scumbag plan to bolster profits by screwing their best employees are in, and it turns out firing all your best salespeople wasn't such a good idea...

Circuit City's Job Cuts Backfiring, Analysts Say
[WaPo] Circuit City fired 3,400 of its highest-paid store employees in March, saying it needed to hire cheaper workers to shore up its bottom line. Now, the Richmond electronics retailer says it expects to post a first-quarter loss next month, and analysts are blaming the job cuts.

The company, which on Monday also revised its outlook for the first half of its fiscal year ending Feb. 29, 2008, cited poor sales of large flat-panel and projection televisions. Analysts said Circuit City had cast off some of its most experienced and successful people and was losing business to competitors who have better-trained employees.

[...] In particular, the televisions showing disappointing results are "intensive sales" requiring more informed employees, Allen said. "It's a big-ticket purchase for somebody. And if they feel like they're not getting the right advice or are being misled by someone who doesn't know, it would be definitely frustrating. They will take their business elsewhere."