Wednesday, April 16, 2008

An Open Letter...

To the media and all professional pundits and columnists.

Barack Obama's NOT "elitest," he just looks that way because you are all fucking retarded

Since Barack Obama made the "mistake" last week of telling the truth about the plight of the forgotten people and towns in this country, his opponents and you morons with microphones have been having at him—spinning wildly to portray him as some "out of touch elitest."

Let's review some of the heavy, issues-oriented analysis of the last week, shall we?:

• We know Chris Matthews thinks orange juice is for pussies, and that real Presidents drink coffee.

• Everyone seems clear that "real Presidents" can bowl at least 150.

• Hillary "Salt of the Earth" Clinton can chase her shot of whiskey with a beer. But don't mention that even though she has more than enough scratch to buy a round for the entire Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, that if she did, her campaign would stiff the bartender on the tab.

• You were all so helpful in 2000 and 2004 to remind us that we need a President we can "have a beer with." Never mind the fact that that reg'ler fella Dubya is a recovering alcoholic and cannot "have a beer" lest he careen off the wagon and start doing lines of coke off his painting of a horse thief.

But, as vapid and irrelevant as all of those thigs are, do you know which utterly stupid fucking thing is pissing me off the most?

Arugula.

Yes, arugula. Last summer (as in nine months ago) Barack Obama was in Iowa talking to some "regular small town Midwesterners" and he started said this:

"Anybody gone into Whole Foods lately and see what they charge for arugula? I mean, they're charging a lot of money for this stuff."

WTF? What a fucking snob. Is he kidding? This is DesMoines, not the Upper East Side...

Back then, bow-tied, yet blue-collared, George F. Will was the only one sharp enough to catch this slip from the ivory tower by Obama, but during this week's pile-on, Obama's "arugula" moment has new life...

What "FUN" for you bunch of goddamn Heathers. A perfect storm of effete and elite. It's like Michael Dukakis grabbed his belgian endives, hopped in Howard Dean's Volvo to meet John Kerry for wind-surfing and lattes and green tea on the beach.

Here's the fucking problem with that bullshit.

Barack Obama isn't George H.W. Bush enthralled by a checkout scanner, he wasn't making a gaffe by trying to order arugula in an Ames, Iowa greasy spoon. Or lamenting his grocery bill to try and seem down to earth.

And these aren't coal miners in Western PA, (who might very well know what arugala is, btw), he was in Iowa. Talking to farmers. You know, farmers? The people who grow crops. Like arugula.

Obama was talking specifically to farmers about diversifying crops, about profit margins, about ways for them to increase their share of the high prices paid for certain foods.

The nerve of that fucking guy.

So, in conclusion, could you all just do everyone a favor and shut the fuck up and stop trying to judge who's a regular guy? That means you, Chris "Three Mercedes" Matthews, and you too, Maureen "Dateline: Abroad" Dowd.

Thanks,
Mr Furious



MORE: Watch this video, but be forewarned that you will want to start throwing things around the room.

2 comments:

John Howard said...

People sure do care about some stupid shit. If drinking is a qualification to be President, than I know a lot of people much more qualified than Hilary.

Red State Blues said...

You are sure living up to your name, Mr. Furious. I don't blame you one single bit. I'm pretty honked off myself.

Someone wake me when it's over. I can't afford to throw a shoe through my teevee.